Say hello to our little friends: “Weapons” of mass efficiency

Maybe you’re partial to the original lightsaber wielded by Luke and Darth or the, um, more elaborate version that nearly broke the Internet when it was leaked back in November. The hub-bub that surrounded the tweak to the classic sci-fi weapon inspired us to take some liberties ourselves, creating admittedly ridiculous weapons against waste—new takes on famous fictional weapons with real value for your electric bill.

  • Lightsaver: Forget the plasma version that slices through the air with a memorable hum (and memorably, through the wrist of a mere mortal). Our lightsaver utilizes a light-emitting diode to bring high lumens with extremely low wattage. (That is, you can use the heck out of it and get light as bright as you want for a fraction of the electricity that an incandescent uses.) No danger of amputation, high likelihood of a rebate this year. Just fill out an application!
  • Cloak of Density: Sure, Doctor Fate got the thrill of flight and superhuman strength from his cloak of destiny, but our version kicks your electricity-guzzling space heater to the curb. To harness this amazing ability, simply cloak yourself in a nice thick blanket or sweater and suddenly you have the power to save a very cool $3 or so per day. All day, every day, and without so much as a shiver—of fear or chill.
  • Warmth Gun: Freeze is basically redundant in a Midwestern winter. (After getting through the wicked chill of the 2013/2014 winter, wouldn’t most of us laugh in the face of a freeze gun?) Our gun fights frigid temps with a steady bead of caulk. Because sealing the air leaks in your home is usually the best thing you can do to ensure that you’re not sending cash straight out into the ether through overlooked openings in walls, ceiling, and floors and around windows and doors.
  • Power Ring: Although it held a limited charge, a Green Lantern power ring was called “the most powerful weapon in the universe.” Our power ring? A call to your local Energy Advisor to schedule a home energy assessment. That ring can fire up your savings potential—perhaps not endlessly, but to an extent that will surprise you. Your Energy Advisor can show you where your home is losing energy and give you great ideas to defeat any and all energy thieves.
  • The Book of Efficiency: Merlin had his book of spells; you have this site. Cruise around to find tips for saving electricity at home or work, and applications for rebates that’ll give you cash back on energy-efficient upgrades. It’s a lot like making magic happen on your bills. Maybe? Sure. POOF.

The beauty of these savings weapons? No need to shoulder the great responsibility that comes from great power. Just kick back and relax as you shrink that kWh figure on your bill. Powerful stuff.